"Committed to the Marriage"

Jake was in the process of buying a new home. His wife and he hadn't gotten along very well for years--like they had not had "relations" for 4 1/2 years. If there weren't the kids, he would be gone--but there were the kids. So, he and his wife were "trying to make it work"--whatever the hell that meant. They had been married for 17 years, and "trying" for about 10 of them. To date, about 6 marriage counselors had not helped.

So, Jake asked his wife a few weeks ago if it was really wise to be getting a new house? The response he got was basically that they needed a bigger house and could be just as miserable in a big house as a small, so why not get the bigger house they needed? Ok, except for Jake was the one who pays all the bills. The responsibility was on his back, not hers.

So then last week Jake asked again. She assured him that she was "committed to the marriage". Well, Jake had heard that a long time, but he really didn't know what that means. "The marriage" was for all intents and purposes now just a legal entity. He had heard for years and years that she was committed to the marriage, but what he really yearned to hear was that she was committed to him. Being committed to a person is way different than being committed to "the marriage". Being "comitted to the marriage" can be code for being committed to "not getting a divorce"--which is to say it really isn't being committed to marriage. In marriage vows you make commitments to "love, honor, cherish", etc. But in being committed to not getting a divorce, you're just saying that you won't be calling the lawyer.

That is a big difference, and it makes all the difference in the world.